We Need Space: Instant Gratification, Technology, and the Culture of Disillusionment
Nothing is as good as it seems — that’s the quickest way to describe disillusionment. I can think of a dozen times I’ve experienced disillusionment — more than a dozen. Maybe hundreds of times. In fact, I think it’s safe to say that wading into the deepening waters of disillusionment is a process that allows for change to take place.
Disillusionment is a state of mind that often overcomes us when a part of our life has run its course. Maybe we are ready for a new career path or maybe we need to take steps to grow a relationship. Sometimes we find ourselves part of an organization or group that we no longer feel we belong.
It’s a feeling that is difficult to shake once it has set in because it leads to a lot of negative emotions: anger, loneliness, frustration, helplessness, grief, hopelessness, cynicism, and depression. However, like Sadness in the movie Inside Out, Disillusionment is often a signal.
It is a signal that something in our lives is over. If you have ever felt disillusioned, you know that you begin rejecting any person or symbol that represents that which has ended. If a relationship is over, you suddenly despise all the committed couples you see; if a political party is no longer fulfilling its promise, you start questioning the character of everyone involved — the political system, the state of the nation, the effectiveness of voting. Disillusionment naturally breeds blame.
But that’s the beauty of disillusionment. It makes us swing from the very good to the very bad so that we can settle somewhere in the middle. After a good bit of disillusionment, we can begin to accept that most things exist with space for both the good and the bad. Many times, disillusionment makes us ready and motivates us to question, to move on, and to let go.
For the past few years, I have found myself in a constant state of disillusionment (mainly within my career), and I am beginning to think we have rendered the process ineffective.
What does disillusionment need in order to bring us to the middle, to create change, and motivate us to go on? Space between the promise and the lack of fulfillment.
A great example is taking a photograph. Back when you had to wait to develop your photographs, there was a good amount of space between the happy moment you were capturing and the moment you looked at the photograph to find you blinked. We don’t have that space anymore.
We don’t have that space anymore because we don’t want it. I think everyone can agree that they would much rather avoid the let-down of the photo where they blinked. Of course! Why not? With technology, we can go straight to doing and enjoying only the things that fulfill — unblinkingly — that happy moment of promise.
That space has been slowly disappearing for all of human history. Disillusionment isn’t new; we’re just speeding it up. Invention creates more expectation, and more expectation creates new disappointments. Now, our disappointments are not just new; they are right on the heel of the promise, which only emphasizes just how empty that promise was.
Suddenly, we find ourselves anticipating the let-down before it even occurs. I have noticed this most when people — of all ages — discuss jobs and exercise. Both require a schedule, hard work, goals, discomfort, and reward. I have a tendency to cringe at both overly peppy coworkers the same way I cringe at people who are overly enthusiastic about running every morning. Why? Because I know a person cannot sustain that level of enthusiasm for the length of time it takes to see the results of work or exercise (that is, in the absence of drugs!) so it feels like I’m just being patronized or placated. Time and time again, that is the case.
What happens when people try to short-term sell us on something that can only be achieved long-term? Disillusionment.
We can take out the space between excitement and disillusionment when it comes to taking a photograph — the more minor, short-term areas of life — but we need that space for the areas of our lives that take more long-term dedication. We need to be wary when disillusionment sets in on Day One with things that take time.
We need space between workouts that doesn’t include images of fit bodies, articles on diets, and quick-fix health tips. When you exercise and then immediately look at an Instagram of a super fit person, you take away that space. Then, the next time you think about going to the gym, you will already anticipate the disillusionment before it even occurs.
We need space between workdays that doesn’t include contact with coworkers. When you are still accessible at all hours outside of work, that space disappears. Remember, disillusionment is our signal that something is over — that it is coming to an end, time to move on. If work issues are present in our personal lives, creating a sense of daily disillusionment, we consistently get the message that I can’t do this any more. You need space; you need a vacation. Unfortunately, our culture is notorious for discouraging time off one way or another.
We need space between interactions with people. We need to afford each other that space. We need space between our roles. We can’t wear all the hats all the time. Not only is that difficult to balance, but it looks ridiculous.
Careers, committed relationships, parenting, and good health all require long-term dedication. None of these areas can be consistently instantly gratifying, fulfilling that initial promise of wonder. But we tell (or sell) ourselves and each other that the ideal version — the photo where everyone’s eyes are open — is within reach for every aspect of our lives all the time.
You would think cutting out all expectation and avoiding the let-down would leave us with more contentment, but it actually just leaves us with more disillusionment because we no longer believe in the world’s ability to spark our interest. We move from discovery to It’s over in an instant.
Why do you think there are hipsters? Because it’s somehow easier to get excited about something that is not even a thing. No initial enthusiasm. No expectation. No promise. No instant disillusionment. Yet, we all know that state of mind is unrealistic and depressing.
We can’t keep doing this to ourselves. There is no person or place or process that can fulfill the original glowing promise without any “blinks.” Each generation becomes more and more disillusioned than the last. The younger generation is always more apathetic and impatient than the previous generations — because the space between interest and disinterest continues toward nothingness.
When it comes to the parts of life that are most fulfilling, we have to leave room for excitement, disillusionment, and the all-important space between.
The space is still there if we want it, but we have to take time to disconnect, to explore, to recover, and to accept that something new often becomes routine; something sweet can turn sour; and the wonder of birth creates the possibility of death. We can’t run from birth to birth; nor is there any point to living in constant anticipation of death and disillusionment. We have to give more attention to the space between the two.
That space is life.
